Tuesday, October 9, 2012

On being unemployed with a burnout and a depression

Not a lot of people know this, but I've been recently been diagnosed with a burnout, plus my depression is back. And I'm unemployed.

Still this blogpost will not be negative in any way, because this blog is my happy place and it will stay like this.

The first thing I learned when I found out that I have a burnout is that I'm not the burnout. I have been diagnosed with a burnout, but that's not me. The second thing is that you need to listen to your body. The third thing is that not everyone understands a burnout.

These three things are a constant learning curve, because it's hard having a burnout, and you may not always want to tell it to people, but unless they know what's wrong, they can't be there for you.

Now, since I have the time in the world to get better, doesn't mean it's getting better quicker. Last week for instance, was a good week. A good week meant not being insanely tired. But then again, I didn't have much going on, so I had all the time to relax.

This week is starting off on being a harder week, and that's okay too. I just need to let it go. It'll be better tomorrow.

Now in comes my planner obsession. Because when you're having a burnout, things like going out to do groceries can be a difficult thing. So my planner is my lifeline at the moment. I also have trouble remembering things, things I need to do or buy, so list-making is the thing. I use my iPhone for when I'm not near my planner to write things down. I then put it on my "master to do list" in my Filofax. It has everything from "do your finances" to "ring the GP" to "declutter the bathroom" and everything in between on it. If I'd lost that list, I don't know where to start.

For normal planning, I use the week on 2 pages in my Filofax (just made the switch back) and I then use my Dayplanners in my Filofax to plan my days.

I normally have 2 to 3 things on my to do list for one day. If I can do more than those two days, then it's a good day. Most of the days, those 3 things are enough. Of course there are the regular things like cooking and cleaning, but sometimes there are days when all I can do is lay on the couch because my energy level is so low. Each night before I go to bed, I fill in my dayplanner, with appointments I have plus those things I want to do, what I'm cooking that day and other things I need to remember.

This seems like a lot but it actually gives me rest. My head is so full of things that having a planned day helps so much.

The thing with a burnout is that you keep on going. I won't go into details but I thought I was fine until someone just looked at me and asked me "Are you okay?" and then I had a breakdown. At some point, you're not okay, you're constantly tired and you just don't want to deal anymore. Now it's even more difficult for me as my depression is back again (although it's never been fully gone, you have a depression for life, but you'll learn to deal with it), and so I have to deal with two difficult things.

A burnout is a serious thing, so if you recognize yourself in the symptoms, or if you think there is something not right in your body, if you're taking on too much, talk to somebody! Please, because for me it was too late, and you can prevent this!

I love everything. I can't say no, and that's where I go wrong. I can't do everything, as much as I like to!  For now, I'm only doing those things that give me energy. I paint a lot, I write a lot, I do watch a lot of tv shows, but I enjoy them. I play a lot of sudokus and I read a lot. There are days that getting out of bed is hard and then I just stay in bed. I give in to the burnout, because I know tomorrow will be better.

Hope this blogpost wasn't too heavy! I will update on my progress, as I know it's a scary subject, but it's reality too! There is so much pressure on people these days that it happens more often than you think!


6 comments:

  1. Not heavy at all, pretty interesting (for the lack of a better word) for someone who hasn't experienced it. I hope you feel better soon (but no pressure of course haha)


    x Angie

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  2. Wow, thank you for sharing this as it is very relevant. I had heard the word banded around but had no idea it was an actual condition (for want of my brain to come up with a better word) I guess I just hadn't really thought about it further - something I am glad I now know more about. Thank you

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    1. That was the exact purpose of the post, so that's good to hear!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this very personal post & it wasn't at all heavy. I'm learning to listen to my body a bit better these days, but find I still get it wrong from time to time. I recently felt very much like this after my Dad had heart surgery. I look forward to hearing about your progress & my thoughts are with you.

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    1. Thanks for your comment, will do an update soon :)

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