I wish I could say that this is about the animal, but nope, it's about me. But here's a picture of a hermit.
I've always been a loner. I'm an only child, so I know how to entertain myself. Mostly with books, but then I got a tv in my bedroom and that started my tv addiction.
Don't get me wrong, I like people. People I already know. My friends and family. I don't do well in large groups, I feel overwhelmed and sometimes not heard.
I don't have a lot of self esteem, due to various reasons. When I suffered a burnout, going outside to post a letter (across the street) or going to the supermarket (downstairs), was something I would do first thing in the morning, so I didn't have much time to think about it.
I am not a crowd person. I don't like it when people get in my personal space. Can you imagine how I feel on a crowded tram or train?
The last 1.5 years I've been mostly at home, due to my burnout and then being unemployed. I'd rather stay in all day than going out.
I've noticed that lately, going out takes more energy out of me than ever. For instance, I'm going to an event tomorrow, in Amsterdam. I have to travel there alone and I will be alone, not knowing anyone, at that event. Since the day I committed to doing this event, I've been anxious about it. Don't get me wrong, it's a fab event and I'm thankful that I can go. But last night, I didn't sleep well and just tonight, I had a mini panic attack because I felt overwhelmed.
There's an option of cancelling, but still, that feels like quitting. So that's not really an option. So I'm just going to get a rubbish night of sleep and a fab day in Amsterdam tomorrow (also going to the just opened Forever21 as a treat afterwards).
The whole reason for this blogpost is just getting these things out in the open. It's who I am and why would I hide such a big part of my life? I apologise for rambling a bit. I hope you understand a bit of who I am.